well i was trying to upload a comic....
courtesy of penny arcade.

so my lack of txt messages from paul just happened to be my stupid phone. i had to restart my phone because my power meter was acting strange (green to red in like 10 seconds) and lo and behold, i got like 6 or 7 messages from him all in a row... all replying to my cryptic message of... are you ok? and did you get your phone taken away etc. etc.

So tonight was a bar-b-que at my grandparent's house. it was crazy. grandpa loved working the grill, all of us played the sign game with some house rules... we SO cracked up. i was laughing so hard i got lightheaded. i love those buggers. i love the freaking sign game. my stomach muscle is sore. i need to sleep.

when paul was gone at basic i knew that i wouldn't be able to talk to him at all. i knew that speaking with him is a privilege. i knew that it might be a week or maybe more before i would hear from him. that gave me a sense of acceptance. i just accepted the fact that he wouldn't able to communicate with me. this was hard getting used to when he joined basic from the PCU. while he was in PCU he was able to call me everyday. i got spoiled just like am now. he can text me and i can text him so it drives me crazy. i just text him constantly. problem is that he isn't really supposed to even have his phone... but i don't care...

so this morning i woke up to his text. we had a pretty good conversation and then he texted me i'm going to shower and... well... that was it... and no text anymore. i know he is probably somewhere with a drill sargeant or something... but it still bothers me (haha).

i am still waiting for a text.

just came back from beth's birthday and had ooodles of fun talking to people i haven't met in ages! it was great talking to everyone and catching up. cyndi made a yummy sandcastle cake (it also looked fabulous). there were smores, kabobs, music, and dancing.

it seems like no one thought paul would really enlist in the army. even john didn't believe it at first that he did enlist. i think that is a little funny. paul told me he would have joined the marines out of high school (to which, his mom said NO). well in the end he was glad that he waited because of his opportunity to fly the UAVs... but as he chose his MOS at the recruiters' office, good thing i was there because he chose ranger at first, and i cried (something about the G.I. joe theme running thru his head...) and said NO WAY. i am out of this relationship if you decide to become a ranger. so you all can figure out what he decided to do.

so in the end i drove home on the freeway in the dark (gasp). it was crowded for 11:00 pm at night but i guess it is a saturday. i was a little scared but i did my thing and i came home safely. the way i felt reminded me of something paul said when i was learning how to drive. he said everytime i come home i'm glad to still be alive, but that doesn't stop me from driving does it? maybe he was bound to be a soldier after all (but not an army ranger. haha.).

ooodles. i like that word... bleh i need to find something to do...

paul hasn't txted me today like he usually does (ok so we've sent each other like 200~250 txt this week alone... thats not too much...) i am hoping that he is out and about with the guys.... on their first 'liberty' weekend on post. Yay!

like seriously. i don't think he has a lot of 'guy fun' sometimes.

i need to blog because i am hella bored out of my mind. even the games are boring. i guess i'll go play some katamari...

i am so in love. + i am so bored.

=

silly blog entries.

just an FYI for anyone that might want to know....

NO. going to comic con is NOT at the top of my to do list.

kthxbai

on the bus back to camp from the beach last friday, amy asked me what my dream is.... and i was really shocked because i didn't quite have an answer. i was really sad of that fact... and i thought about it for a moment. i would like to build some kind of camp where kids from war ravaged areas can have a good time and be their carefree selves. thats my dream. i really love kids. i always wonder how i would spoil mine if i spoil other peoples' kids.

oh congratulations to patti (paul's cousin)... she is expecting! :D

paul told me on the phone that three chicks tried to give him his number. lawl. i sure love my mister.

as i read articles on the hotzone i feel so sad about the death and destruction in the world... and i think about paul and his enlistment in the army. i feel torn and confused. i will and want to stand by my man, but i don't know. i feel... weird about it. i mostly think of children in the midst of conflict. this is probably because i work with kids... such privliged kids... and i think of the kids in iraq or afganistan and my heart aches. if he does get deployed to iraq or somewhere like that i would like to go with him and visit the kids... anyone want to come with me?

nothing new. back to my same old routine again. bleh.

i want to see paul again. /pout

it was nice to cuddle with him. it was nice to have him fall asleep on my lap. it was nice to have something to hold, to touch him ever so lightly... so not to awake him. it was nice to see his crooked smile. it was nice for him to play with my hair and make that funny face of his because its short now. it was nice to be in my love's arms . it was nice to kiss him, on the cheek, on the face, on the lips.

now i am waiting to do it again.

"Airing live (on the East Coast) from the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles is the 2006 Miss Universe Pageant -- otherwise known as Donald Trump's former dating service. Just kidding."

-yahoo tv listings

i've returned from oklahoma... i already miss that place. i guess i was getting used to the slow pace and the beautiful landscapes and the lack of smog. when i flew into LA this afternoon i wished i was back in the rolling hills of oklahoma.

hello from fort sill, oklahoma!

paul is graduating basic training tommorow. thanks to his great buddies he passed his PT test on wednesday! on tuesday we all flew in, visited bricktown (downtown oklahoma city) and visited the oklahoma city national memorial (site of the 1995 oklahoma city bombing)... it was really weird being there. i had seen it on the news so many times... i never thought i would visit it... but there i was and i cried. on wednesday we went to the omniplex and met up with jenny and her family. last time i had seen her was in 1998! it was so crazy to see her again. it was one of those things, again that i never htought woiuld happen... but here i am in oklahoma. its great to travel andsee new things... will post again tommorow my sister will die if she doens't check her myspace.

arg... in TWO days i will be in oklahoma. in THREE days i will hang with jenny, vinny, matt, and adam. in FOUR days i will see paul. that means i still have to wait for TWO, THREE, and FOUR days.

bleh.

SAVE THE INTERNET!!!

i'm not sure if i posted this or not, but the internet as we know it is in danger. is trying to pass a bill that would give ISPs the opportunity to control what we see based on how much the ISPs are getting paid!

this bill is written by that idiot ted stevens... who said that the internet is a series of.... er... tubes

who the fuck is ted stevens?
jon stewart takes on net neutrality
http://www.savetheinternet.com

i think that clip where he is yelling NO! is from when they were thinking about shifting his bridge to nowhere money (250 mil) to help victims of hurricane katrina...

http://fractalgaze.blogspot.com

lame. first it was the lure of brangelina... now its the lure of... american eagle.

finally when i have come to grasp with my more "male-listic" nature (playing video games, interests in computer, playing magic, no interest in shopping, etc.) and get over my 'i want to be more girly' phase by finally blowing off my bradgelina obession and settle into myself.... then american eagle slaps me in the face, screaming to me... going to the mall might actually be FUN. i wish someone would give me a sign... like a neon arrow pointing towards who i am. i can't enjoy going to the mall. i'm not allowed to. thats not who i am. i mean its not gamestop. its a clothing store. some people might think whats the big deal...? its a big deal for me because it hit me when i least expected it. it felt like i finally had control over who i am and BAM, it hits me. another side of me that i didn't expect... its like opening a box you wrapped but when you unwrap it you find something you didn't quite wrap in there. i'm wondering if there is anyone else wrapped inside. i'm a little afraid to find out. it might cost me a lot of money to find out (haha).

identity crisis... would be my middle name.

so tifarah and i went to tinker today. it was AWESOME. i found this place via an email from jill. i made a frame for paul and a box with yet again a flying non-flying animal motif. this time a cow. i will take pics and post in a bit... i am just hoping that my camera is in the car. if its not i don't know where it could be. uh oh. we went to fashion square also which is like about 2 blocks down from tinker. we had dinner there and walked around.... well, thats all for now.

tomorrow is beach day... i need some sleep.

so... paul's basic training is coming to a close... and i was thinking how this who thing have impacted me as a person and us as a couple. there are so much of what could've been and what i am now that its really hard to put into words.

now as a person, i think i have gotten more independent for sure. i think i've also gotten pretty healthier. i've lost a couple pounds and well after a week hiatus (haha.) i'm back at the gym...

relationship wise, i've become less insecure about my relationship with paul. now someone who knows us might think... ?!?! what? mollie was insecure about her relationship? yes indeed i was. it wasn't like i was sure about his feelings, i was not sure about mine. i was secretly afraid that i might have loved paul just because he was so kind to do things i couldn't, and when i was able to do those things my feelings for him might change.... i know it sounds a bit mean, but the feeling was there and i was sooo afraid. its one of those things that you wish you wouldn't confront forever and you wish that it wasn't there. maybe i didn't get my license and i was afraid of driving because of that reason.... but now i can drive and i can't wait to see him. i dream about him. i can't wait to touch his face, my hands get all warm and i have to grip it when i think about it. i want to well, DOH i was going to say put my hands in his hair. haha. i guess i can't do that... but i just want him to be with me. i want him to come home to me and sit at his computer and play games with me. i don't need it back to the way it was... i just want his presence here. in a couple months i will. i know it will go by fast since the last two months have gone by SO fast...

speaking of which i can't believe that and the end of this week 1/3 rd of summer will be over already! it feels like it just started! yea we are already a month into summer vacation. its pretty crazy. before i know it i'll be babysitting kristen and heading to arizona.

wheeee.

and YES. it does take me the whole day to do the laundry because i get so into playing games that 1 load sometimes takes like 2 hours or more because i forget >.<

i had a bad time at my mother's house last saturday... as she yelled at my siblings i remembered why i was so heartbroken to leave, yet i knew it was a good thing because i think i could've hurt my mother a lot. i hate how she yells at my siblings. i hate how she has this hypocritical double standard. i hate how money is everything, i think it comes before them... i hate how i feel like i want to hurt her so bad that she would beg for forgivness.

well other than that on saturday i had a great time hanging out with jill. we went to downtown disney and went to the uva bar for dinner (yum yum) and walked around. her whole family went too because it was krista's birthday and i felt a little out of place but of course i've known them for pratically forever (ok, so like 12~13 years is not really forever) so it was a great time. i was a doofus and forgot my wallet and i couldn't buy krista a drink... sorry! (and then i forgot my cell phone at thier house. >.<)

today i chilled, did the laundry, and went to the family dinner. i have morning hours this week (woo). hopefully it will go by really fast... and the week after that is... OKLAHOMA!!!

like you guys didn't know already.

damn myspace. i get sucked in and i find out that jeff daley died in a motorcycle accident at the walgreens right near my house. although i didn't know him well its not cool to die at 26. its too young. even more sad is that crystal's (who i didn't know really well but i talked to her when i saw her during theater...) 2 year old son died just last weekend... my thoughts and prayers to everyone involved.

i'm half ashamed for posting this because it shouldn't matter... but it bothers me a lot. i was grouping in WoW today. it was a guild group. it wasn't bad... but this lock was dumb. so warlocks have a skill where they can make hp into mana. so most warlocks actually favor stamina items over intelligence... so i told him to chow down and convert his hp into mana and i can heal him with his vampiric embrace as i dps. then he goes about telling me that he has mana to mana (ok mana from demon to caster) and health to mana. so i tell him well health is same as hp (hit points). now i wasn't implying anything but he goes about telling me that he isn't stupid when he just proved that he was. then he goes on yadda yadda about conserving his mana (when if you have lock + priest, locks pretty much have infinite mana). in the end tho he was enlightened and started to convert slowly. OH! and he said something about conserving his mana for the boss fight!? WTF is s/he thinking?!

teh end of rant.

so hours of scouring travelocity, hotwire, orbitz, priceline, and with a price tag of $1400, my sister, grandma, paul's mom and i are good to go to oklahoma. grr!! i am SOO excited. the day can't come any sooner.

and that's all you're gonna here from me all week prolly.

so today marks my first fourth of july as a military wife. i went to see the fireworks at wilson park and i felt a sense of pride as an american i have never felt before. i felt proud of paul. it made me think of him as brave and courageous. i thought about how i can endure any sacrifice to be with my military husband. i felt like i can be strong... not only for him but for our country. so during the fireworks i felt tears come but i didn't cry. that is a big step for me. if this was the old me i would be wailing and crying from overwhelming emotion but today, nothing today made me sad. paul's mom and i talked about him while we walked around the park and she told me how proud she is of him. i feel so happy that she feels that way. i am happy for both of them... i am happy i can spend time with my mother in law.

i also made final travel plans with paul's mom. gosh TWO weeks left!! i am so anxious to see him.

finally i got a call from paul. his platoon has been getting in trouble so he hasn't been able to call. i was really happy to hear his voice.

we were busy today. it was my borther's birthday and we celebrated it with a trip to the california science center. we watched the IMAX fighter pilot movie and watched the marvel science exhibit that was really interesting (i mean comics = fantasy... and science exhibits based on them?) and really informative. i was going to go buy him a cake at the pheonix bakery but i ended up going south on the 110 so we just drove home. my mom bought a cake and we ate dinner with grandma and grandpa.

GRRR.... i have missed another phone call and i feel bad, pissed, and sad that i did. it would have been the only time he could call this week and i missed it. *bangs head on wall* on another note i am VERY excited that i made my traveling arrangements this week. he has three weeks to go and next week is fourth of july. i am SO excited my heart is racing. the girls on the forums said that i will get worse as the end comes near. boy they were right. i am hella excited and my heart hurts.

i had a dream about him last night. paul was in his class A greens and we just stood there and i was VERY happy. we were both smiling and just existing... on cloud nine... i wasn't even crying (which i was surprised about) and i woke up. i wasn't sad when i woke up like i thought i would be. i just woke up and did my thing. that was wierd. oh well. maybe i just grew up.

three weeks left.

i'm so freaking nervous. i miss him. someone told me that it gets worse as it nears the end. it does. my heart is beating. my mind is racing. i get to see him. soon soon soon. i can't wait. i can't stand it. in 19 days i will be with him. i will be standing next to him. i will be holding his hands again. soon soon soon. i'm sure it will be all i can think of for the next three weeks. his face. his voice. his smell.

OMG!! i can't wait!!

the last 2 months has gone by so fast... yet i know that the next three weeks will CRAWL.

BLEH.