my thoughts on independence

cross posted from an API status comment:

honestly i don't think humans were ever made to be 'independent'. we as human beings have always relied on the family/friends/village dynamic which has helped us thrive for more than a millenia. we have healthy dependencies like affection/acknowledgment from parents when you are young and from those experiences you learn to foster a positive relationship with family, friends, then society, then with your partner as you grow older, then your own children, grandchildren, etc. its not just the mother child relationship that it damages, this push for independence could damage future relationships too. sure, research has shown that attachment can be refostered after 5 years but in this age how many married couples divorce with in 5 years?

i went to a birthday party for a friend's son, as my son bounced in the bounce house with about 5 other children he had never met who mostly spoke spanish, i realized I had never left him without me or my husband for more than an hour and now its time for him to leave, smiling amongst strangers.

(not) renlisting

my husband has talked about many different options for the next reenlistment - he has even talked about not reenlisting. I'm so nervous about this. people might think why?! you've got kids! you've got deployments! you've got PCSes. now its time to settle down. sure. we got all that... I know we should settle down...

but in the end I know who my husband was before he joined the military and after. I know he misses jake. he'll miss lil bean's birth, but that is a year in the life vs. a life time in the military. I was worried sure, but he is such a wonderful father. he missed 10 months of jake's first 2 years, but you would never know it when they are together. now he is deployed again... when jake turns three he will be gone more than half his life but they still have a connection and they are amazing together and I know that relationship will continue. honestly, I think he will miss military life even more. garrison life with family for him is the ultimate life. It is for me too. sure, deployment sucks, PCSing sucks, but the friends i've made along the way has been more than worth it.

I know in the end it'll be alright whatever he chooses for his future, but I think I would be sad in a bittersweet way. This has been a VERY amazing 5 years and we are in it for another 3.

weaning

from the sewing machine... and jake weaning....

I think jake is on his way to wean completely (for now). he doesn't nap anymore, which I'm not pushing it because he is not fussy or anything... so that has cut out 1 nursing time.. then he falls asleep at night no problem... so another nursing time cut out. he doesn't even ask in the mornings anymore hardly. its kind of uneventful and sad at the same time. I know this can all change when miss zombie bean arrives... but even tonight I went to see a friend's 10 day old baby, I held her and he responded very warmly to her. not at all jealous or anything. he just came and stroked her softly. very cool.

another sad note, my sewing machine died. I got a lecture from my local sewing shop about 'costco' machines. well I guess I won't be going back there anymore.. and I think I'm gonna go buy another costco machine. /rude my dad is trying to fix the other machine but we are finding it hard to find parts for it. sigh.