congratulations on your engagement jillie and shyam! ^^ i want a copy of the pitch fork sadie hawkins pic too plz! :D

i found these at the sweet factory and it made me think of paul...

i went to see xmen 3 with my sister. i liked the movie. some people were really critical of it... i know why but that would be spoiling the movie. anyhoo, it was a great action packed movie. it didn't seem like it was too long or too short either which is a good thing. there was no waiting in line since we bought the tickets online and there were no lines for seats... (but we got decent seats!) and it was funny how everyone came in at about 10 minutes before the movie was due to start scrambling for seats. well yep, so we were entertained... i recommend seeing it.

my dad came home from japan with his girlfriend, it was nice seeing him. thats about it for today! i know i've been not posting too much lately but its just the same old same old.

i was chuckling reading my last post. the happiness is basically over and now i am really reminded that he is not here. i got a call from him today... and made me even more sad. he seems to be doing fine but he is sick. he hasn't gotten his mail yet and he tells me he hardly gets any personal time. so that means no mail for me... but you know i was never in my life so excited to get a call from anyone. i love it. although it was only 5 minutes i was so happy to hear his voice.

ok so i am really happy for some reason and i'm not sure why. is it because paul is finally in BCT? or is it something else? its weird because i do miss him terribly, especially now that he doesn't call me anymore. i find myself looking at the phone more often now, waiting for him to call but i know it won't come. yet i am pretty happy in general. maybe because its all not that bad as i thought i would be. even walking to work and back isn't so bad. maybe i'm feeling healthy and happy. i feel wierd because i never thought i would feel happy while he is gone but here i am. now i am so repeating myself and how i am happy! this is just silly! hahahaha!

today is armed forces day! thanks for everyone who fights for our country.

this armed forces day has a special meaning to me... it reminds me of the very thing that took him away to start our life together. its weird to think of it that way... but as the f14s fly overhead and as i see all the vehicles at the mall parking lot, i become proud of my paul. although there was a little hiccup in the beginning i hope that doesn't spoil his whole experience.

paul finally began basic training thanks to all that drama that happened with the physical training and rehabilitation program. they didn't even take thier PT test. whats worse is what happened during the inspection...

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/05/12/us/12training.html?ei=5088&en=ad73e6c50322a8b2&ex=1305086400&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss&pagewanted=all

they were locked in a small room while a general and the secretary of the army came over through. paul was pretty pissed that they were stuck there. he said maybe they were ashamed of us, or was afraid of what they might say. and whats worse is that they changed their detail schedule... wake up at 3 instead of 4 or 5 that they usually do... and of course they didn't tell them. paul got pulled out of the shower... and filed in while he was still in his sandals. it seemed like they were taking their anger and frustration with the inspections out on them. now they are working on 5 hours of sleep, (sleep at 20:00 and wake up at 3:00).

i'm just glad that paul is out of there but i worry about the soldiers left behind.

http://onlyvolunteers.blogspot.com/

so i've bounced back from being dumped by the DMV again so i am going to go take my paper test again tommorow. i feel a wee bit crazy inside again... paul has stopped calling. either he is finally at BCT or at the mercy of his drill sargeants which they investigate the soldier abuse case. i hope its not the latter... i will be a freaking nervous wreck until i hear from him.

so i got new glasses... i love them, they make me look even more dorky than before, but it well frames my face. atleast now i can read the signs outside unlike yesterday... i got them refitted at sears this afternoon. already i was back to my old habits of pushing my glasses up using the side of the glasses not the middle, which totally skew my glasses and make them tipped. i look drunk and silly like that and with my astigmatism that totally fucks me up.

hopefully the rest of the week will be awesome!!!!

bleh. i failed my driving test again. that sucks. but oh well. gotta try again. i don't understand why the driving doesn't come easy to me. people make is sound so easy yet i keep failing. my mom says you just need to get the right tester. first i got DQed because i guess i got nervous (i don't remember this part every well) and i totally messed up my left turn... then on the way back the tester said i was too close to the right but i was like ??? i'm using the wiper dot things and i know i'm fine!!! i was a little freaked out about that because i still don't know what i am doing wrong with the spacing... i drive just fine for driving lessons and with my mom so i guess i need to learn how to calm my nerves and take my test at hawthorne. haha. now if i fail there i think it would be a big blow to my confidence.

i missed paul a lot last night. i wish he was there to tell me everything was going to be ok, that i was going to take the test again and everything will be fine. i didn't even get a phone call. i know its bad to expect one since i know they won't be coming often, but i love to hear his voice telling me how blah it is over there. i hope he ships out soon for goodness sakes. i think that they might ship him out according to his MoS which means he prolly still has 2 more weeks at PCU and they are working him harder at PCU but there is a small problem of this...

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/05/12/MNGO3IQOBM1.DTL&type=health

i hope he gets out of there soon and into basic so i don't get mail telling me that he is doing a fire watch when its raining, that he fell alseep while he was in the administrative office, or that he is bored out of his mind. gosh i miss him. i need him. we need each other so much...

so i took paul's mom out to dinner yesterday and i had a pretty good time. food was great... we had TONS of leftovers... we walked around the los cerritos center. it was a nice mall. she bought me an eyeglass case... a cute chococat one!

driving practice has been ok. we've just been so busy with grandpa i don't really care anymore. he is just so freaking stubborn, i don't think i can care about him either. he doesn't know what is good or bad for him and he is trying to do us a favor by not "bothering" us with his business, but he IS our business since he is family and it frustrates us that he thinks he know what is good for him. i just want to slap him and scream in his face that we are going to take him to the hospital and make sure he is taken care of. oh, so if i forgot to post what happened to him... he basically fell off a ladder last sunday and he refuses to go to the hospital... the family refuses to take him because it is his wish, and of course since he is the patriarch of the family we listen... and get pissed. its all talk. i should take him to the hospital... but of course that family thing comes up... and sheesh... i am so stuck in this too. i am angry. i hate my grandpa. i wish he would fucking get a clue. GET A CLUE!!!!

it seems like all the time someone up there is answering wishes made on shooting stars, birthday candles, prayers... something... because i was feeling oh so blue and sad today for some reason... and paul's dad calls out of the blue to see how i am doing. jr. grandma has called out of the blue while i was feeling down and sad... so has Alison. its really wierd... this experience have for sure made me believe in the power of the spirit.

the time i totally came to face with it was when it was about 4 or 5 days after he had left... i was fine all week but all of a sudden for no reason i could feel him in the room, calling for me. it didn't go away anywhere in the room. i was a bit mad because it was making me sad and out of control. i had worked on it for the last couple days. in the living room i could feel him working out with me. i felt his presence at the table where where his computer was... i could've sworn he called my name... and i felt his presence down stairs too. i cried and told him not to make me so sad... then that next day he called to tell me he had failed the physical and he seemed REALLY upset. that he missed me and that he wanted to come home. it made me sooo sad... but i realized that he must have been calling out to me and that we were somehow connected. it was a crazy feeling but i feel closer to him than ever since he went away.

i know this must be TRUE LOVE.

i've pratically given up on trying to fix this blog so you guys have to scroll all the way down to view my profile and links!

i was watching a catholic mass on tv today and it was really intriguing... it was something about jesus being the good shepherd (john 10:11) and what the meaning of sacrifice is. sacrifice when you look at the root of it in latin means to make sacred (sacra meaning sacred + facere meaning to do). what a wonderful word that is... the priest, who just had been ordained 15 days before this mass said, that sacrifice can be full of joy, if made in love... how he sacrificed a wife and a family to join the church, his parents and teachers sacrificing their time to teach him in catholicism, all those sacrifices, if made in love is holy. that made me think about paul's sacrifice for me and how it is made in love and that is so sacred! i cried thinking of him how he must be suffering being homesick and bored, but maybe the message was the good lord is tending his sheep, and he will be home, safe, and happy in my arms in no time...

army acronyms...

BCT basic combat training aka boot camp
AIT advanced individual training

days pass by so quickly... but paul has not been so fortunate... he is stuck at processing due to an injury he recieved, and now he is stuck there for another two weeks until the next BCT session. he calls everyday because he is bored out of his mind! he even called me twice today... of course i love to hear from him but the sad thing is i don't know what to say... i can't send him puzzles, or anything else he can do... that is contraband. all he can do is call me for a few minutes everyday after a meal (today he called me at breakfast and dinner), and thats what he looks forward to. i mean this is soon gonna be over. i know he will go to BCT, probably now go to his AIT 2 weeks after that... but that is another month away from home...

i'm feeling guilty for staying at home... so i was seriously thinking about joining the army but paul shot me down! he wants me to be home when he comes home. understandable. but then he calls me to tell me how bored he is and how i am at home watching tv, surfing the internet... he told me he was sorry he was cross... but i don't know. i know its ok to want to come home, but i was really wondering if he had lost sight regarding WHY he is there. today he sounded more happier... maybe its because he has heard my voice more... he says the only thing good about being stuck at inprocessing is that he can call me.

nick at nite makes me feel freaking old! on the tube tonite:

mad about you
fresh prince
full house
the cosby show

i was like OMgawd now i am old! i remember talking about how old i would feel when they have MY shows on nick at nite... well... that time has come...! i'm just sad that mr belvedere or small wonders aren't on. haha

i got letters today! he got dropped on his hip and couldn't run the mile well... he will be a week late... course he is a bit bummed out by the delay... but the big man has plans and this is it for him!

so anyway, everyone knows i'm adjusting to life by myself at home. i spent all day alone today (except a brief vist from my mom to drop the car off...) and i realized that everything is alright. or is it? i felt a little akward, because of the fact that everything was alright. i felt like maybe i should freak out and cry and feel sad and angry like i did the first couple days but it didn't happen.... i called my sister because the room got a little too quiet. that was ok. no crying. no hysteria. i even ate lunch at around 2 which made me not hungry for dinner.... but it was quite balanced and i was proud of it. so the idea dawns on me... i might just be ok alone. goodness, who ever thought that i would be? i certainly didn't. now i don't know what i might blog about... and if i finally do get my license, that would be another problem... will i ever play WoW again (haha)? of course i will because i'm an ADDICT.

i still get really sad and lonely at night when i sleep. i wish he was there cuddling with me and holding me. i miss his breathing, his warmth, his kiss. i guess it is alright after all.

i was reading the forums and i read something about people after basic combat training change. its kinda like yea, army does break you down to rebuild you. so naturally you'd expect them o come home different, or they wouldn't be doing thier job. i'm a little bit scared of that. what do i do? some of the suggestions were that i give him space. i shower him with love... then the guy you fell in love with on the inside will come back. i'm scared for that day to come as well as i look forward to it. what if he changed so much that i need to learn to love another man?

Your Birthdate: February 24

You understand people well and are a natural born therapist.A peacemaker, people always seem to get along when you are around.You tend to be a father or mother figure to friends, even to those older than you.You enjoy your role, and you find that you are close to many people. Your strength: Your devotion Your weakness: Reliance on others for happiness Your power color: Lilac Your power symbol: Heart Your power month: June

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/">What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

http://www.pickle-green.com/egraphics/main.php?id=eggs

i just realized it says 2005! but this is my egg that i hatched. john says maybe it will evolve into a ham sandwhich (haha).

so its finally been a week since paul left. i am feeling pretty good!! i think i'm getting used to everything and my mom has been so helpful. i've been reading http://www.militaryissuedgirlfriends.com. i'm so happy to see other girls who are going thru the same things, some even haven't seen their significant other for 7 months. they are stronger than i am and i respect them 200%. i got it easy BCT being only 9 weeks. i can't imagine what these girls are going through... and i know one day i will be reading that order for paul to go to iraq, afganistan, or somewhere i can't tag along for X months. but i know he will be safe in a bunker flying those planes, but most of these girls' guys are on the frontlines... paratrooper, artilery, or infantry men. that must be tough.

For the Gals

"The goodbyes are what make the hellos so wonderful."
How many times have we heard this?
How many times have we heard this and wanted to hate it, but instead had to love it because it was was the truth.
Hundreds maybe...even thousands.
Loving a man far away is hard, no matter what anyone says.
Long distance in itself is difficult.
But what magnifies it even more is the military lifestyle, the fact that our men are also Army soldiers.
Being an extension of the Army, we are involved too. We lead our civilian lives, but whether or not we believe it, we also lead extensions of our soldier's lives.
We learn about the Army.
We read about it, speak of it, and maybe even dream about it.
We know what all of the acronyms mean, and we don't even have to think twice when confronted with military time.
We find ourselves swelling with pride everytime we hear the National Anthem or the Star Spangled Banner.
Everytime we see another man in uniform, our hearts yearn for our own soldier, and our prayers extend to whoever is loving this man from far away.
Each of you know exactly what I mean as I sit here, writing this to you.
I am writing it for you.
For all of you who wake up in the morning, lay there for a few moments, trying to swallow the sick feeling in the pit of your stomach as you wonder where your soldier is, or how he's doing...this is for you.
For all of you who start a countdown the minute he leaves, and continue to until he is back in your arms again...this is for you.
For all of you who tear up everytime "Far Away" comes on the radio, or who press repeat when "Come Home Soon" plays in their car...this one's for you.
For all of you who see Army billboards, ads in the paper, or commercials on TV and next notice the tears rolling down your cheeks, this is for you.
This is for you.
I am one of you too.
This is for us.
For all the times we sleep with our phones on the loudest possible volume, just as to not miss the call that just MIGHT come...
For all the times we roll our eyes when another girl is depressed because she hasn't seen her guy in a week...
For all the times we hear our soldier's name mentioned out loud, and are momentarily frozen...in a trance...in love.
For all the late nights that we spend alone, cuddling with our stuffed animals, wearing our soldiers army sweatshirts and sweatpants, and clutching the precious dog tags around our necks...This one's for us.
We may feel weak on the inside, but on the outside we're strong.
We may be drowning in tears on the inside, but on the outside, we are a rock.
We may want to crawl in bed and sleep until our man comes home, but instead, we get up and go on with our daily lives with our men in our hearts.
We may feel like we're slowly dying with each day we spend apart from our men, but instead, we put one foot infront of the other, and take each day as it comes.
We are strong, and we are proud.
We have more love in our hearts than we ever thought possible, and for this, we are thankful.
We are thankful for our men and also for each other.
We are Army gals, and we lean on each other. Alone we are weak, but together, we are strong.
We help each other, and we survive.
To all you Army gals out there, hold your head up and be proud.
We are connected, ALWAYS.