so anyway, everyone knows i'm adjusting to life by myself at home. i spent all day alone today (except a brief vist from my mom to drop the car off...) and i realized that everything is alright. or is it? i felt a little akward, because of the fact that everything was alright. i felt like maybe i should freak out and cry and feel sad and angry like i did the first couple days but it didn't happen.... i called my sister because the room got a little too quiet. that was ok. no crying. no hysteria. i even ate lunch at around 2 which made me not hungry for dinner.... but it was quite balanced and i was proud of it. so the idea dawns on me... i might just be ok alone. goodness, who ever thought that i would be? i certainly didn't. now i don't know what i might blog about... and if i finally do get my license, that would be another problem... will i ever play WoW again (haha)? of course i will because i'm an ADDICT.

i still get really sad and lonely at night when i sleep. i wish he was there cuddling with me and holding me. i miss his breathing, his warmth, his kiss. i guess it is alright after all.

i was reading the forums and i read something about people after basic combat training change. its kinda like yea, army does break you down to rebuild you. so naturally you'd expect them o come home different, or they wouldn't be doing thier job. i'm a little bit scared of that. what do i do? some of the suggestions were that i give him space. i shower him with love... then the guy you fell in love with on the inside will come back. i'm scared for that day to come as well as i look forward to it. what if he changed so much that i need to learn to love another man?