i went up north and had a blast. i went to the glamour closet with jillie and walked around SF and hit the stores. i'm starting to feel the groove of planning this wedding thing i'm starting to get excited and scared hoping that i do everything picture perfect (for everyone elses sake ^^).

i also met saw paul's great aunt in the nursing home and needed to blog about some feelings i have regarding getting old and what i see in my future and how i am totally scared of it.. i've written like 5 drafts of this blog post and niether one of them sounded right. i feel really guilty of feeling that way because i don't know if that might reflect on what i think about my grandmother or my mother getting old.

my feelings about my last years of life:
i'm scared of getting old. i wish that there could be a point where i could say that i've had enough of life and basically end it with out causing so much trouble or ill feelings. i don't want to be a burden to my family. now of course if they don't mind taking care of me that's fine with me. its just i wouldn't want my family to fight over who needs to change my diaper, help me go to the bathroom, pay for my medical bills etc. etc. i rather be dead.

i don't want to be what people call a 'vegetable'. i hope that my sons and or daughters can remember me as a active person full of life, not in some vegetated state in a bed. there are obviously people who are opposed to my position and i want to hear from them how can i be comfortable having someone else take care of me later in life.

this week has been kinda tiring and pretty crazy, so i didn't have time to post much.

tuesday i had some time to myself... paul went to his flight physical. it was a bit liberating of sorts. i did a lot of thinking about how i count on paul so much and that i need to be strong on my own if i was to survive the two and a half months that i was going to be by myself. i felt a lot better after i had gotten my feelings in order. i did some shopping. i spent more than i should have, but i felt good. that is such a bad sign. especially with my higher credit limit. in the end i did miss him terribly and i called him even i knew that he wasn't going to answer. he didn't come home that late, but i was tired and sleeping on the couch when he came back.

on wednesday, i got this gnarly nasty razor burn in my armpits from doing a quick touch up job so i can wear this new shirt i got from american eagle to paul's jr. grandmas house. i sweat a bit and it became inflamed. i had to pur neosporin on it so i could sleep. that should have been an indication of how my week was going to progress.

yesterday was probably one of the worst days in a while. it was one of those 8 hour days... but it was a minimum day so all the kids were basically out at 1:30 (we were also a bit understaffed because of that). it was hot. almost 75 dgrees and i was stuck outside. i had forgotten that it was minimum day so there was no lunch service. i had to call paul to get me lunch. i didn't get to see him at midday because he had to go work at jon jasper's. i had lunch at 2pm because a staff person that was supposed to come relieve me didn't come out to the play ground. i had to take the bus home because paul had gone to the shooting range. when i wanted to talk to him a bit so i can stay awake at the bus stop, he didn't answer his phone. i knew he was already on his way back because he had texted me. that kinda sucked the most. i dragged myself home only to find out that the door wouldn't open. i was like O M G, so i had to sit outside for an hour and a half to wait for paul who i basically didn't want to talk to at that time. so when i finally got in i had to do the laundry, cook, and do the dishes becasue we were going up north for the weekend (i was soo tired). i just died on the couch at about 9 pm. i didn't get to bed til about 11.

(lots of love to paul who finished the laundry for me<3)

well this morning i got up at... 6:45. 6:45!!! i leave for work at 6:30. i was in such a hurry i forgot my ring, forgot a sweatshirt and was freezing at work. well thats all i guess. now i'm home getting ready to go up north ^^.

OMG i almost forgot

CONGRATULATIONS TEAM JAPAN 2006 WORLD BASEBALL CLASSIC CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!

as a sign of things to come, this is what my father wrote as a reply to my email i sent him telling him that i am now engaged.

O-me-de-tou
be good wife and husband forever.
get driver's license, loose weight etc.....

now my father tells me to lose weight because high blood pressure runs in my family. unfortunately he doesn't realize that weight isn't the only factor. a skinny person can still have high blood pressure. its how you take care of yourself that matters. all he talks about is weight weight weight tho. i hate it. i'm happy the way i am.

i think that i'm not really excited to have this wedding because of how my parents are. my mother or father didn't say a word about when the wedding is going to be, what we have to do to get ready, or any of the events associated with it. i think paul's family is more enthusiastic and excited than i am. when we announced it at the saturday dinner aunty joy was the first one to step up and say that we will have a wedding shower at her house after they remodel the kitchen. i hadn't even thought about a wedding shower. i mean what do you even get someone at a wedding shower? i'm not sure i look forward to the attention either i might just hide in my shell. heck, i already feel like hiding in a shell... i want someone else to do the planning and everything (although i did manage to pick my colors finally yesterday after some thought).

BOOYA. japan FTW! OMG i was so excited that japan beat korea 6-0 to make it into the WBC finals!!!

A lot of people don't know i am a pretty big fan of baseball. i was a dodger fan until that team pretty much got torn apart a couple years ago. I heard about the World Baseball Classic but i totally out of my league... but i went twice! i had awesome seats too!

3/13 USA vs. Korea

it was fun i must admit but what an AWFUL game by the USA team. 2 retarted errors by the 2nd baseman made it a 7-3 loss to Korea. I wouldn't be surprised if we don't make it to the third round. we were so pissed at thier game play we didn't even stay the whole game. paul and i sat in diamond club seats and the picture there was the view from our seats.

3/14 Japan vs. Mexico

i went to this game with lynn and kei... she played on my phone the whole time so i don't have any pictures. we had seats on the first base line. we always had to make sure we knew where the ball was going. 1 got lost in the light and the whole section freaked out ^^. Japan won 6-1. it wasn't sloppy like the USA game tho. both teams put up a good effot.

this week has been uneventful. nothing really has happened... its just work, hang out with paul, and sleep. i haven't been feeling well tho... allergies kicked in and it was hard to do anything this morning. paul made me rice and tea.

i love paul sooo much. when other people tell me of their relationship woes is when i especially feel like i am a very lucky girl. i hope the people who are having problems work it out and join a relationship like the one i have been blessed with.

omg i am engaged now! now the fun begins. paul's aunt is already in wedding shower mode. well, i don't want to boast but its sooo beautiful. it grabs attention. i cried when i saw the diamond. i felt like i didn't deserve it at all... i kept telling him that i would marry him even without the ring... even half carat would have made me sooo happy! (FYI if you want to know, its a 1.06 carat.... *grins*) so these past few days have been a whrilwind. we've been telling the family. most... well almost everyone is like OMG finally! its about time!

i was talking to my co worker and well, she was staring at my ring instead ^^;; paul won't come to drop off the bagels anymore because he knows steph and liz would say something about the ring. steph said well, he better get used to that! hehe. : p serves him right.

its kinda wierd that i always thought that i was gonna be alone all my life with a gay roommate (cause i can't fall in love with someone 'nice' if they are gay) in some kind of hopeless creative job with no future.... being my crazy oddball self.

so keep reading for wedding planning updates ^^

right now i am really busy cleaning up from the move and everything. i'm kinda tired and another 8 hour day. bleh. atleast the day goes by quick. its just the fact that its.... 8 hours. my computer isn't set up yet so i haven't played a good deal of games in general. i watched the chappel's show DVD. i love it. its soo freakingly hilairous. i'd have to say so far the roots bloopers would be my most favorite. some of my favorites that i haven't seen on the DVD yet are the racial draft and obviously the charlie murphy hollywood real life stories. 2 new ones. wooo and the 'ribs' sleeping aid commercial. i was thinking also... now would people watch the show if a caucassian or an asian person was poking fun at the african americans? would that cause an outrage? society works in such odd ways. as the 'we're all a little bit racist' song goes; Ethinic jokes might be uncouth, but you laugh because they're based on truth. Don't take them as personal attacks. Everyone enjoys them - So relax!