i'm really missing home. i just looked at [kort] mountaineer's gallery... she is from torrance. seeing all those pictures of palos verdes and home made me SO SAD. i close my eyes and i sometimes see just street corners, the ambiance of what is torrance... you know, the places i know, the people i know... the places i would go... UGH.

i've hinted paul little by little that i miss being in torrance but i don't really know what i miss in particular. thats the lame part. i LOVE it here in colorado springs. it is so beautiful. we have our OWN place. a crazy view of pikes peak. fresh air. tasty tap water. now i have a job too. a NICE park right near where we live where people fish on the weekends. its not too big of a city... and not too small either. and PAUL. paul is here with me. its perfect... but i still miss home. i mean torrance. after all it was my home for 26 years.

it would be nice if everyone i knew moved here with me. haha.

working with kids i think emboldens me. when i was younger i wished to make an impact on people using film... but now i make an impact on children. i love my job.

the interview at the YMCA went really well... i realized how much i missed being at work. torrie also invited me to a working interview which wasn't an interview at all... i just got to get to know some of the kids and the site. i'm not sure what was supposed to happen... aaron the supervisor was swept away by 3~4 big wigs; YMCA pikes peak region VP of child care services, the tri-lakes YMCA director... and i don't remember the other two but they were VIP (oh i remember now, briargate YMCA director). the VIPs and played with the kids too. maybe i'll do that one day but i'm not sure i'd be happy behind a desk going from site to site and evaluating them.

the pinon valley school is in an more affluent area of colorado springs. there are about 20~30 kids in the program and its pretty laid back. i'm excited to be working with kids again! WOO!

33 students dead.

i'm wondering if anyone could have done something. if someone had just shown him that there is love somewhere out there if we could have done something.

true. we can only blame him for the crimes he commited, but we can only blame ourselves for not reaching out, not taking every step and opportunity to influence his mind, his soul, his heart.

we might have not being able to change his mind, but maybe someone could have seen what was happening. maybe he would have been caught without anyone being hurt.

hindsight is 20/20.

its disheartening that the man who was responsible for the loss of 33 students at virginia tech has been identified as a south korean man. i don't think it matters what race, religion, what country you are from or orientation. he was lonely. loneliness affects everyone of every color, no matter where are you are from.

i've been lonely too and i know the anger that comes with it. its a cold anger you can't share with anyone. its a cold anger that you just want to grab and shake someone so hard. i want friends! i want love! can you give it to me? can you give me friendship of love without judging me?! your lunch clogs your throat because you are thinking abot not crying but the lonliness takes over. you are alone anyway. so you cry until the bell rings.

i've been on the other side too. the girl who sits alone and eats her lunch. what is she thinking? does she want someone's company? is she lonely?

are there any other loners in this world who needs to see the love? anyother loners who want to spread the hate because they are so alone in a world?

reach out everyone. reach out.

it snowing!!! i love it but i am also in the comfort of my home. haha. i got an email from the YMCA and they want to meet with me. hopefully i get a job soon. :)

the temprature outsite is BELOW FREEZING. there are icicles hanging from the roof of the shed and the power lines. there is ice on the car windows which you have to crack to drive. its COLD. UGH. SOOO COLD.

hi from colorado springs.

i just got internet... the cable guy left like 15 minutes ago. i SHOULD be unpacking... but here i am.

i'm gonna go unpack :P