honesty

paul said, I don't know. it sounds bad but, you know, you make it easy for me to leave.

It had always been a concern for me why I am not so emotional over his departure. If I loved him so much shouldn't I feel more upset? my husband opened my eyes when he said this to me. Love isn't measured by how upset I get for my husband doing his job. love isn't measured by how much I 'sacrifice' myself for making his job easier for him. Love is measured by honesty. If I was being upset and making it hard for him to go, I know he would have told me that, as much as I would tell him that I did not want him to go.

even after knowing each other for 16 years and being married for 5, each day is full of new discoveries.

middle.

the other day paul was talking about how I am a sarah palin hater. I never hated her, I thought she was quirky thus easy to make fun of, but I never hated her. I actually wished I had cable to watch her show but it wasn't like I was going to go out of my way to watch it online or anything. She has interested me for sure when I watched a special somewhere on how she took down corruption in the alaska state government. I do applaud her for that 'maverick-ness'. also on the flip side, I know for some of my liberal friends I fall in to the conservative side. my own husband doesn't see me as I am politically. I found it hilarious.

Politically I never fit anywhere...

deployment...

we knew this was going to happen... but when the big D sneaks up on you, it always sucks. I don't know how I am 'ok' with this, but I had a good 3 minute cry and I was fine.

sometimes I wonder if not being emotional about it is ok. I've been distancing myself from facebook even. just concentrating on matters at hand.

now there is a possibility that paul could stay state side for 60 days. I hate these 'possibilities'. they are so vague. now we need a place to stay for 2 months. then decide what to do with the car and all our stuff. I'm going crazy inside. I just want to know what to expect.

to alaska we go.

so on saturday we will be hopping on a plane to move across the country. I'm really really really excited. more updates later. I should be cleaning :)