to top off everything that is happening... paul gets hospitalized for 2 days. he had 'stroke like' symptoms on tuesday. his left side went all numb. i spent all day tuesday and wednesday at the hospital (i slept there) so i could be with him.

so the tests show it wasn't really anything bad (his brain is fine, his arteries are fine) but it might have caused by migraines. this worries him because he doesn't know if he is fit to fly anymore. this was kind of what our future was resting on. he wanted to get his flying license, go civilian and hopefully make a life for us... but now that could be in jeopardy. we still have more tests... and it also could be a TIA (a 'passing storke') but not likely because of how healthy he is. so... please pray for him and hope that there isn't anything wrong with him!

so last weekend we went to boulder. i ate and drank things i couldn't during the pregnancy. i think i'm over it. sorta. i think... how can i be over it so quick?? not sure... i think logic sets in. i can have more kids. i can do things i couldn't. i have more energy... i have been looking at the positives only. i am feeling good.

i still think twice before buttoning my pants. paul still orders a sprite for me. i still rub my belly. i still drink lots of water. i still take prenatal vitamins. i still cry inside. i still cry on the outside. still still still...

so much changed in 10 weeks. so much changed in 1 day.

i still wish there was some where to put blame... but there isn't.

i still wish it was here so we could welcome it.

its raining. its cold. i have a sweatshirt on. missing california weather. missing paul. he has CQ again today. he'll be home all day tommorow but he'll prolly be sleeping all day like yesterday. oh well. such is army life. rain, sleep, and alone time.

good thing paul switched CQ with someone else. i'm so lost without the dog... i think its kind of funny. i was so sad to see her go this morning... and she was just going to get spayed!! sigh....

lame. tomorrow paul has CQ. he has CQ at the battalion which means i will not be able to deliver the cookies i was gonna bake for him. this lasts 24 hours. STRAIGHT. he gets wednesday off tho.

this FREAKING weather SUCKS so bad i HATE it. HATE HATE HATE it. i want the rain to GO AWAY. its june for goodness sakes. i want it to be nice so we could go out fishing all day long. RAIN RAIN GO AWAY! COME BACK LATER.

for all of you who do not live in colorado...

EVERY SINGLE DAY around 2pm it RAINS. then sometimes it POURS and THUNDERS. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. AAARRRRGGGGG~~~~~!!!!!