the days are getting slower for sure. the first month went by so fast. now i am lagging everyday seems to get longer even when i have work. maybe its because i haven't heard from him regularly like i usually do. he is in kalsu right now and waiting for a flight back. it can be at anytime. so we are waiting.

i feel bad for paul. everyone is SO happy that he doesn't really have to do much... and because of that he is the most unhappy person in the planet. i feel like thats been his life so far. i hate how i have to explain that to everyone. some people DO like to work, do things and EARN a living. thats why I work, and at work hell yes i work. i don't just sit around and do nothing. i earn my pay by playing with the kids... just like paul wants to earn a living being a soldier, not a piece of blob sittin there dressed like a soilder.

i feel like maybe i am an anchor. what if i didn't come along? what if he did what he wanted to do.... not what he thought would be good for us. what if he did join the marines after high school? well i guess we can't turn back time.

i want to tell him, oh go ahead go out there, be all that you can be (heh). i know he won't.