paul left for the field last week. i hate it because i know he is misrable out there. i don't know what to say when he tells me that he has been on his feet for 12 hours straight washing dishes. this kind of bullshit is not what he signed up to do but i guess yea, the army does own your ass.
its kind of crazy how much i miss him when he is gone. i'm scared of when i will lose him forever. what's keeping me afloat is the fact that he will be back for valentines for his MRA and in 2 more weeks this will be over. even deployment there is a return date. what if he dies? being the one who is always planning things waaaaay ahead i am wondering what would happen to me if i would lose paul forever. its so gutwrenching i can't imagine, yet my mind goes through the motions. would i be so depressed i wouldn't be able to get up? would i have kids? would i have grown kids that will come to my side like his dad did for his mom? will i have someone taking care of me?
its so morbid but i can not stop thinking about it. more so that he is gone.
its kind of crazy how much i miss him when he is gone. i'm scared of when i will lose him forever. what's keeping me afloat is the fact that he will be back for valentines for his MRA and in 2 more weeks this will be over. even deployment there is a return date. what if he dies? being the one who is always planning things waaaaay ahead i am wondering what would happen to me if i would lose paul forever. its so gutwrenching i can't imagine, yet my mind goes through the motions. would i be so depressed i wouldn't be able to get up? would i have kids? would i have grown kids that will come to my side like his dad did for his mom? will i have someone taking care of me?
its so morbid but i can not stop thinking about it. more so that he is gone.
posted by mollie at 11:43 PM
1 Comments:
Mollie-wog,
Thanks for the words of encouragement... I read a few articles online about making new friends in a new city, and there was an article about how the people who know how to do it best are military wives, how they'll come bring you casserole to say hello when they're the ones who just moved. I thought of you. Not that you're passing around casseroles to your neighbors, but that you're so strong too.
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